A Legacy is a Lot Like a Sundial

What Are Your Plans for Constructing Your Family’s Legacy Place?

“Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.”—Warren Buffett

A legacy is a lot like a sundial...when touched by the rays of wisdom and purpose it steadily directs us towards a life of significance.  Despite the incessant march of time it operates timelessly, powered by the constancy of love and generativity.  Each who studies it benefits according to the attention they give it, without regard to the level of wealth or influence they have attained.  Its brightest influence is marked by the illuminating power of example and selfless sacrifice.  It is absolutely useless when dark clouds of disinterest and disrespect overshadow it.  It was erected with the faith its influence will be positive and the hope it will be preserved for the benefit of the yet unborn.

In the last two posts we discussed how a cemetery helped preserve one family’s stories.  A grandmother made a habit of taking her young grandson, Joe, to help weed around the burial plots and headstones in this Georgia cemetery. While Joe was weeding she was forever etching in his mind the stories which reflected defining moments in the lives of each deceased ancestor. 

I have suggested each of us has an opportunity to help build a Legacy Place which will preserve life wisdom and memorable experiences as did Joe’s family cemetery in Georgia for his family.  Finding and preserving our ancestors’ stories not only will enrich us but it makes the Legacy Place we will leave behind more empowering to the rising generations of our families.

A Legacy Place doesn’t have to be a physical location like the family cemetery where members of the family can visit.  It could be virtual.  Or it could be an actual family museum as one family in Idaho built not too long ago.  The key is that you need to develop a plan for what you want your family’s Legacy Place to look like and how you want it to impact the next generations of your family.

Do you remember the need Joe felt to pick up the rusty tool when he discovered crabgrass was threatening to take over the family cemetery?  I believe there isn’t just one tool for us to pick up in our quest to build our family’s Legacy Place. And for one family it might need to be a pick axe, while for other families it might be a rake, hoe, or shovel.

Here are several simple but effective steps you can take towards building your Legacy Place if you still have older generation family members alive, even if they aren’t your direct ancestors: 

1. Conduct an oral history interview with a family member (preferably a grandparent, parent, aunt, or uncle to capture their story, and then learn as much about the family's stories of their ancestors as you possibly can).  Use a digital recorder, and possibly a video camera if it won’t inhibit the interview process.  You may find that initially the stories you hear are no different than those you have heard at every Thanksgiving dinner.  To get deeper I would suggest a generous helping of patience and the purchase of a book that will provide you with igniting questions.  There are many great books but I have particularly enjoyed two.   Linda Spence’s Legacy and Susan Turnbull’s Step by Step Guide for Creating Your Ethical Will are both excellent resources I would strongly suggest for help in framing interview questions.
2.  Hold a family reunion.  Invite your living ancestors, and their siblings, if possible, to participate in a “Name That Photo” session.  Gather as many photographs in advance of the reunion but the older the better.  If you can convert these photos to digital images which you can project on a large screen.  You can also easily share those images with all the people attending the reunion who are going to want to add these images to the Legacy photograph collection.   In the Name That Photo portion of your family reunion you share the picture which the featured ancestor panelists at the same time as you project its image on the large screen.  These pictures will trigger a flood of memories and  you will record the ancestors sharing stories about the event or individuals captured in the photos.  There are all sorts of variations on this idea which will flow from the unique circumstances of your family’s Name That Photo activity.
3. If distance makes gathering the family physically difficult, consider holding a Family Legacy Skype call.  Find a time when as many members of your family, including adolescents and children, can participate.  Prepare a timeline and coach your ancestor/parent in advance of the Skype session.  The timeline might start at age 6 or 7 and have a big dot or marker every 6 to 7 years thereafter (e.g. ages 7,14,21,28,35,42,49,56,63,70,77,84 etc.).  In advance you ask the ancestor/parent who is going to be the star of the Skype session to think of a significant event in their life, or their family’s life, which occurred around each of those points on the timeline.  You might edit the timeline to put a title to the significant event or events they recall occurring around that point in their life.  Then as the Skype session proceeds you prompt your ancestor/parent as needed and they move through the timeline sharing their memories.
4. Organize a “Trip Down Memories’ Lane”.  One family I know rented a bus and piled more than 30 members of the family into the bus with the eldest living generation family members using a microphone to narrate their memories as the bus drove from one site to another in their hometown.  Another family I know that organized a similar event ordered colored T-shirts honoring the gathering  and each branch of the family wore their particular color so first and second cousins who had never or seldom seen each other, or their respective spouses or significant other, could know who belonged to whom.  In addition to these bus tours these extended family gatherings usually schedule significant time for more intimate conversations and for meals featuring favorite family recipes.  These Trips Down Memories’ Lane often  result in the organization  of family social connectivity through blogs, Facebook sites, or other social media sites.  The memories and connectivity created through a Trip Down Memories’ Lane help enrich a family’s relational wealth.  But don’t let the event become the end of your effort to capture and preserve your family’s legacy.  It should be just one more positive step towards unifying all members of the family in the quest to build greater awareness of our heritage, shared values, and opportunities to support and encourage each member of the family in their journey towards significance and a life of abundance.

Do you have a suggestion on other ways in which we can preserve our family’s legacy and in the process build a Legacy Place that future generations of our family will benefit from?  If so, I would love to have you share those ideas with us.

“We found that when you ask people to talk about inheritance, everyone clams up, ... Inheritance is about money, and it's seen as greedy. But ask them to talk about legacy ... it's as if we hit some kind of magic button, and people open up about leaving behind family values and traditions -- and money was just a piece of that.”—Ken Dychtwald

 



Comments

[Paul Cronin]

Wonderful post, John A. Thanks for sharing some good ideas.

[Judith Kolva]

Try this: At the next family holiday dinner pass around a portable tape recorder (the Olympus VN-4100PC is about 1" X 4", battery operated, great sound, friendly for even the gadget challenged, and the digital files can be stored easily on a computer)and let everyone take turns answering the question "I remember when we . . ." What you'll discover is memories are like magnets--one attracts another--and you'll soon have an abundance of stories that contribute to the family's heritage. This is so much fun, people will want to do it again, and again, and again. Enjoy.

[John "John A" Warnick]

Judith, I love the "I remember when we..." conversation starter. What a wonderful suggestion for a family gathering.