Preparing Our Children to See What They Need to See

“People only see what they are prepared to see.”—Ralph Waldo Emerson

In a recent conversation with a client we discussed how she might go about preparing her children for the wealth she wants to transfer to them.  At least part of the answer may lie in the answer to this question: what do we want our children to be prepared to see?

Ted Williams was a legendary hitter.  The key to his success wasn’t just native ability.  Ted Williams worked extremely hard to prepare himself to be a great hitter.  He would take so many practice swings his hands would crack and become bloody.  He walked down the street with one eye closed to strengthen his distance vision.  With a great swing and an eye trained to focus on that speeding speck of a baseball, he produced extraordinary results. 

Vincent van Gogh had a very turbulent and sad life.  Had it not been for his younger brother, Theo, he might not have become a famous painter. Theo believed in his brother, and this faith sustained Vincent.  Theo was financing the education of Vincent and supplying him with paints, canvas, food, and lodging.  But so far Vincent had been a big disappointment and hadn’t demonstrated much effort or vision for the investment Theo was making in him.  In a difficult confrontation, Vincent pleaded, “I want to paint.  I have something inside of me that says I must paint.  Don’t pin me down.  Don’t pen me in.  I must paint.”  Theo replied, “All right, all right, but learn how to hold the brush.”

Both Ted Williams and Vincent Van Gogh ultimately rose to be stars in their respective fields.  Ted Williams got there largely on his own determination and desire.  Vincent Van Gogh needed accountability and direction from a family member who was constant when others had no faith in Vincent.

Preparing heirs is absolutely crucial work.  It requires vision and constant commitment.  While you may want to ask others to assist you with this task, don’t delegate the opportunity of determining what the curriculum for your children should be.  

"Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it" —Ralph Waldo Emerson

Making the right decisions today on how to prepare your next generation family members will ultimately prove to be the “best preparation for the hours and ages” which lie ahead of your family.

When it comes to preparing inheritors and trust beneficiaries for what they need to see to successfully navigate their journey in life, what would you recommend?

Comments

[Bill Eck]

What will that preparation look like? How will you decide on how to prepare them? How serious will you be in that preparation? How intentional will you be? What measurements will you use to determine if these preparations are making progress? Will you just go through the motions and hope they get prepared? How will you allow your heirs to "buy-in" so they own it for their reasons?

[John A Warnick]

Thanks Bill.  Wonderful questions to deepen the thinking around this critical issue.

[online doctor]

the article is right, don't look with fear instead do your work consistently.

[John A Warnick]

Thanks so much for your comment...and I love the admonition to not look with fear but instead do your work consistently.  From the professional advisor standpoint, this may one of those intersections with our clients planning path where providing the emotional fuel (courage and vision) to sustain the clients best thinking is so important.

[Harold T Pearce]

Are we living from our hearts? What do they see when they look at our lives? What do they experience when we see them? Do they see someone who is delighted to see them or are we waiting for some performance before we can rejoice in them? Are we treating ourselves the same way? Can we value ourselves and them for being rather than doing?are we lovable even when we aren't wise with our money? Does the prodigal son come to mind? As you can see I have more questions than answers, but I think the basics of life are caught rather than taught. Hp:)

[John A Warnick]

Thanks Harold.  The idea that what we model as parents may be as or more important than the curriculum we would want our children to complete is an important one.  And I love the suggestion about the importance of what I would describe as unconditional love.

John A