Values, Principles, Virtues or Universal Truths – Does It Matter What We Call Them?

To many, “integrity” basically means “honesty.” While integrity includes honesty, it’s much more. It’s integratedness. It’s walking your talk. It’s being congruent, inside and out. It’s having the courage to act in accordance with your values and belief. Interestingly, most massive violations of trust are violations of integrity — Stephen M. R. Covey

Carol and I had the privilege last week of having Charles (“Charlie”) Collier, the Senior Philanthropic Advisor at Harvard, as our house guest. Charlie had spent a couple of days in Aspen and on his return to Boston spent some time with us. I invited a small group to gather at our home for a conversation with Charlie. One of those who drove down from Boulder to spend time with Charlie was Gunther Weil, Ph.D.

Dr. Weil has devoted the past twenty years of his life to the understanding of the importance of values in our lives. He and his colleagues at Value Mentors and the International Minessence Group Cooperative have developed an inventory of 128 values ranging from Self-Preservation, Family/Belonging, Self-Actualization, Generosity, Collaboration, Human Rights, Biodiversity, just to name a few illustrative values. He went on to extend the work of other values pioneers and to develop a software system that allows an individual to reflect on what matters most to them. The significance of the Mineessence Group & Value Mentors’ software, and the report it generates, is that it not only measures, in a way that has been scientifically validated, our aspirational values (those which we aspire to live by) but more importantly, our actual values (those values which are actually reflected in the choices we are making daily). Dr. Weil, and those he has trained to conduct the Value Mentors Process, can help an individual, a family or a business begin to understand where gaps exist between aspiration and action.

I took the 45 minutes inventory about two weeks ago and got to spend a couple of hours with Dr. Weil early last week going over the results and beginning to understand at a deeper level why certain activities, decisions, etc. bring such great satisfaction to me. It was also a chance for me to reflect on where I’ve been and where I’m going and to affirm that indeed I’m currently on a path which is consistent with those values which I most deeply cherish.

I invited Dr. Weil to come down for the conversation with Charlie Collier because I wanted to connect these two men. I thought a conversation centered in the intersection between Charlie’s intense study of family systems theory and the work he has been doing as a philanthropic advisor with wealthy individuals and families and Dr. Weil’s values clarification process might be fascinating. The conversations in our home that afternoon exceeded my expectations and not just because of that intersection. There were seven other amazing individuals who commitment to collaboration and service to families created an invigorating medley of wisdom and practical experience. But it is something that came out of the conversation between Dr. Weil and Charlie Collier that I would like to bring to your attention.

Dr. Weil shared with us his journey to co-create this values inventory and then gave examples of how it had been used with individuals, families and businesses. Charlie then shared two marvelous stories of intense and ongoing dialogues he has been engaged in with families. He carefully protected the location and identity of these families but told us just enough to help us understand the dilemmas which each family and its patriarch or matriarch faced. The common denominator in these dilemmas lies in the constraints on transparency and intra-family communication which conventional advice and traditional planning have imposed. Charlie has attempted, with compassion and courage, to assist those senior generation family members to adopt a new paradigm which, if adopted and implemented, would enrich rather than tear at the fabric of their family relationships.

Charlie noted that he never uses the word “values” in his conversations with the individuals and families he serves. He is careful not to advise families what they should do. Instead he chooses the path of insightful questions and then listens as those he serves find their own answers. He cautioned us that he feels there is a risk in bringing “values” into these conversations with families.

This insight sparked a thoughtful conversation between Dr. Weil, Charlie and several others in which we debated the significance of understanding a family’s shared values or in being able to assess an individual’s core values.

Near the end of the dialogue Charlie acknowledged that while he does not use the word “values” in his work with his clients, that his approach in does fact deal with the core values his clients hold. However, he prefers to use the word “principles” to describe what is important in a person's life. In Gunther’s view, principles inform our choice of values, morals and ethics, and that by assessing and understanding our actual core values, not simply our avowed values, we gain insight in the underlying principles and world-views that inform them. On this basis we can make grounded and informed decisions that are in alignment with our values.

I realized as I listened to both sides of this dialogue that the word “values” can provoke very, very strong reactions, both negative and positive. The word “values” has become so politicized so there is a risk that it can lead us into what I will describe as a “red state, blue state” state-of-mind in which defensiveness or solidarity trump, depending on whether you happen to be ideologically aligned or at cross purposes with the person you are sharing this conversation.

If there is danger in the word “values” it isn’t intrinsic to the word or concept itself but rather in the judgmental frame of mind it can incite. To illustrate this point, Dr. Weil may not have shared some of my most deeply held values but in his discussion with me around what matters most to me he was able to do so in a non-judgmental manner. His intentional curiosity around why these values mattered so deeply with me allowed me to revisit the experiences and stories that have affirmed the importance of these values in my life in a very “safe” way.

What has been your experience? Is there a danger in discussing “values”? Should we use a different term?

Comments

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Every one "values" something. If we try to use the word "values" to circumscribe a set of principles that are acceptable to us as the norm or the standard, then we do risk becoming judgemental and the resultant "red state/blue state" state-of-mind you mentioned. Instead of values, I believe we need to discover "fundamental principles" which underly and provide the foundation for all successful human endeavors. Fundamental principles are like the laws of physics. They exist, and always act the same in every situation. They have predictable cause and effect. The choices we make in life cannot avoid the good or bad consequences inherent in living a life in concert with, or opposed to these foundational fundamental principles. It is our challenge to discover them.

Posted by: Tim Sanderson | July 14, 2010 at 02:43 PM