Seedlings

The Thousand-Mile Walk to the Gulf of Mexico

 

What John Muir Learned On His First Trip to Florida

"For nineteen years my vision was bounded by forests, but today, emerging from a multitude of tropical plants, I beheld the Gulf of Mexico stretching away unbounded, except by the sky. What dreams and speculative matter for thought arose as I stood on the strand, gazing out on the burnished, treeless plain!" - John Muir, at age 29, after traveling almost 1,000 miles by foot from Indiana and arriving at Cedar Key, Florida 

 

John Muir, founder of the Sierra Club, arrived in Cedar Key, Florida in October, 1867, seven weeks after setting out from Indiana on a "thousand-mile walk to the Gulf."  From John Muir’s journal account of his adventure, which was published in 1916, two years after his death, we learn that in his time in the Gulf Hammocks, while recovering from malaria, he had an epiphany.  These words taken from his journal express his conclusion that nature was valuable for its own sake and that man’s arrogance of assuming all of nature was created to please and serve him ignores the importance of even the smallest of creatures and organisms:

“The world, we are told, was made especially for man - a presumption not supported by all the facts. A numerous class of men are painfully astonished whenever they find anything, living or dead, in all God's universe, which they cannot eat or render in some way what they call useful to themselves.  

But if we should ask these profound expositors of God's intentions, How about those man-eating animals - lions, tigers, alligators - which smack their lips over raw man? Or about those myriads of noxious insects that destroy labor and drink his blood? Doubtless man was intended for food and drink for all these? Oh no! Not at all!

Now, it never seems to occur to these far-seeing teachers that Nature's object in making animals and plants might possibly be first of all the happiness of each one of them, not the creation of all for the happiness of one. Why should man value himself as more than a small part of the one great unit of creation? And what creature of all that the Lord has taken the pains to make is not essential to the completeness of that unit - the cosmos? The universe would be incomplete without man; but it would also be incomplete without the smallest transmicroscopic creature that dwells beyond our conceitful eyes and knowledge.” John Muir, from a Thousand-Mile Walk to the Gulf (emphasis added).

The debate between preservation and conservation rages on in our society today.  John Muir was one of the first visionaries to see the role of mankind as stewards of nature.  Have you paused to reflect what might lie beyond your “conceitful eyes and knowledge?”  Could a beginner’s mind with regard to my role in the universe and my responsibilities towards both animate and inanimate produce a breakthrough in my thinking.

“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.” - John Muir

 

MORE LESSONS FROM THE LIFE OF RAY CHARLES

“My mom would say ‘You might not be able to do things like a person who can see.  But there are always two ways to do everything.  You just have to find the other way.” - Ray Charles

 

“He left not only the phenomenal music he sang and recorded, he left the indelible impression on people that it's all right to be yourself" - Johnny Mathis, who recorded a duet of Somewhere Over the Rainbow with Ray Charles just a little over three months’ prior to the Genius’ death

 

Ray Charles’ life was not only a testament to the unique ability each person possesses to overcome adversity and weakness but in finding the way to become the person you were meant to be. 

 

He felt it was important to share his financial success to improve the lives of others.  In 1986, Ray Charles created a private foundation dedicated to providing support in the area of hearing disorders and the empowerment of young people through education.  The vision of The Ray Charles Foundation is to instill in the youth of America that “there is no challenge too great one cannot overcome.”

 

Just a few years before his death Ray Charles gave Wilberforce University, our nation’s oldest African-American college in Ohio, $2,000,000 to fund music scholarships because “"It was what I had to do, and the reason I had to do it is too many people have been good to me."  In 2001 he donated another $1,000,000 to Morehouse College in Atlanta, Georgia.

 

He then gave $3,000,000 to Albany State University.  A few years after his death his personal representative threatened to sue the college to get that money back.  

 

Mr. Charles’s children strongly opposed that move and sent a letter to the attorney for the estate stating: “Ray Charles would be outraged by your threats to rescind the gifts he made...to Albany State U.”

 

Shortly after his death tabloids reported Ray Charles died broke and was a negligent father.  This publicity so angered his children that they shared with the public a very private story about what their father had done for each of them.

 

A few days before Christmas 2002, Ray Charles called a meeting of his 12 children at a hotel in Los Angeles. Few of his children knew each other as they had 10 different mothers.  Ten of the children, ranging in age from 16 to 50 – came to this luncheon to listen as their father told them he was mortally ill and outlined what they could expect from his fortune.  What we know about this family meeting comes largely from Ray’s second oldest son, the Rev. Robert Charles, who recalled:

 

"He called and we had a sit-down lunch...We took a lot of pictures. And we had a really good time getting to know each other. There were 10 of us there because two couldn't make it. My dad talked about how they always wait until a person passes. He said, 'Why do that? I'll give it to you now so you can build on that now.' It wasn't publicized because he was a very private man."

 

At that time, Ray Charles presented each child with a check for $1 million and explained that most of his financial assets would be left at his death to his charitable foundation.  When he passed away it is believed Ray Charles’ holdings were worth between $25,000,000 and $50,000,000.

 

Another son, Ray Jr., responded to the rumors that his father had died penniless with these words:  "How can you be broke when you give us $1 million and pay the taxes on it? What does that tell you? My father was second to none. He died not owing anyone anything. Everything he had belonged to him. He has 12 kids and he recognized them. He gave them $1 million in the prime or peak of their lives."

 

It really doesn’t matter how large Ray Charles’ estate was or how much he left his children.  The key to his personal and family legacy is found in the strength he exhibited in overcoming weakness and adversity and in the desire he had to give something to his children before he died that they could build on.

 

How will you tell your children about what your testamentary intentions are?  In what ways will your personal and family legacy empower your children to build upon what you have given them—both monetarily and through that family wealth that isn’t taxed, your wisdom and experiential reflections?

 

"Heaven wanted some music, and God sent for Ray Charles," - The Reverend Jesse Jackson speaking at Ray Charles’ funeral

 

"Through his darkness, he enlightened and brightened our lives." - Cecily Tyson, who along with Clint Eastwood, was present with Ray Charles at his last public appearance in April, 2004

Canaries With Grey on Their Wings

The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy—Meryl Streep

 

A widow had three pet canaries. Two of the birds had perfect yellow coloring.  But the third canary was unsightly with heavy grey streaks on its wings.  As the widow’s health declined, she worried that none of her family would want to take Billie, the canary whose color was marred with the grey streaks.  There was a close friend who she trusted.  She wrote him a note in which she asked: “Will you and your family make a home for Billie? He isn’t the prettiest, but his song is the best.”

 

Often in our service to clients, and in our families, there is a grey-winged canary.  If we only look upon their outward appearance and circumstances, and don’t listen to hear the songs they carry in their heart, we may miss a wonderful opportunity to grow through a generative relationship with them. 

 

About ten years ago a partner in my former law firm suggested that there were a significant number of families in my client directory whose financial net worth didn’t meet the minimum threshold the firm had established for determining what clients we would work with.  It was made perfectly clear to me that the road to financial success lay in only serving families whose net worth had at least 8 digits with preferably the majority having a 9 or 10 digit net worth.  While I did continue to serve many families who met that minimum net worth requirement, I chose not to abandon the clients who didn’t.  As predicted I never made as much money as those partners who complied, but I was compensated for my decision with something far more valuable: many of the clients I kept became the teachers who gave me the opportunities to learn the Seven Keys to Purposeful Trusts™. 

 

To the professional advisors who read this blog:  please don’t judge your clients by the number of zeros in their balance sheet.

 

To loving parents and grandparents, and to all other individuals who desire to nurture and mentor children and emerging adults: listen for a youth’s ability to “sing” and please don’t judge them by the coloring on their wings.

 

Through imagination and love, we can visualize the uncreated worlds of potential that lie within each life that comes within our circle of influence.  The measure of our compassion and love is our ability to look beyond the blemishes and anticipate the polished finish in each—John A. Warnick

Climbing Higher on the Ladder of Listening

The greatest gift we can offer each other is the framework in which to think for ourselves—Nancy Kline, author of Time to Think and most recently More Time to Think

 

In the prior Seedlings’s blog we talked about the first rungs on the Ladder of Listening: hearing and listening for content or substance.

 

Further up the ladder of listening we reach the rung of Empathic Listening.  If you ever attend a marriage enrichment retreat you will no doubt spend considerable time honing your skills as an empathic listener.  This is listening where we reflect, in a positive and affirming way, what we believe we have heard. 

 

The pure intent behind Empathic Listening is to insure we have not just heard but have listened to the person who is communicating with us.  We strip out our natural defensive reflexes.  We lay aside judgment.  We control our fear of silence.  We suppress any impulse to interrupt or to finish a sentence for our friend or family member.  We find the inner strength to concentrate, in a spirit of love and compassion, on the words, the tone, and other subtle indicators of emotion such as facial expressions and body language.

 

My friend and mentor, Courtney Pullen, has taught me there is yet another rung on the Ladder of Listening he calls “Essential Intent.”  He notes that beneath and inside our communication there is something essential; often at the core there is a purpose of concern that isn’t spoken and therefore is not being heard or listened to.  When individuals perceive we are aware of and sensitive to their purposes and concerns, they communicate and collaborate.

 

Nancy Kline in her books and teaching suggests that there are 10 key elements necessary to create a   thinking environment.  A dialogue can be turned into a thinking partnership when the listener applies the skills Nancy teaches us are essential for empowering the best thinking in the person we are listening to.

 

Is there a gene for becoming an empathic listener or certain natural tendencies that make it easier for some to get to the rung of “Essential Intent” or to create a Thinking Environment for their listening partner?  Regardless of your answer, I am convinced we all have innate abilities to become the type of listener which empowers other to share their deepest feelings and to do their most powerful thinking.  Thanks to people like Courtney Pullen and Nancy Kline, we have both models and written wisdom to help us begin our climb up the ladder of listening.

 

How can we get to the rung of “Essential Intent?”  What are the practices parents and grandparents can initiate which will allow their loved ones to do their best thinking and communicating?

 

Listen to me…as you would if I were talking to myself.  I am admitting you to my inmost thoughts and am having it out with myself—Seneca the Younger

The Ladder of Listening

Johnny Carson: Is it true that you find money every day?

George Burns: Yes

Johnny Carson: How is it that you find money every day?

George Burns: I look for it.

 

The conversation between the legendary host, Carson, and the almost centenarian, George Burns, helps us understand a universal law: we always get what we are looking for.  I have wondered, however, if our success in finding what we are looking for is correlated with both the depth and clarity of our purpose and to the energy we devote to that purpose.

 

I think we can use The Law of Listening to illustrate this point.  
 

Everyone understands there is a difference between hearing and listening.  I hear very well.  In fact, I believe I have developed a unique ability to simultaneously hear Sports Center and my wife.  The problem with my duplex hearing is that it never allows me to get beyond the first rung on the ladder of listening.  It doesn’t serve me well and it infuriates my wife, who wants to be listened to and not merely heard.

  

As we climb up the ladder of listening we may reach the rung of content.  Now I’ve not only heard but I’ve begun to process the content and may be able to respond with a relevant comment.  If my wife says, “Sweetheart, the trash can under the sink is overflowing,” I have not just heard those nine words but I’ve processed the content and realize that my wife is really asking me to take the trash out.

 

What have you learned about the Law of Listening?  Will you resolve to learn more and to put what you have learned into more frequent usuage?

The Five Pillars of Purposeful Planning

"I am cognizant of the interrelatedness of all communities and states.  I cannot sit idly by in Atlanta and not be concerned about what happens in Birmingham. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly." —Martin Luther King from jail in Birmingham, Alabama

On Tuesday, March 9, 2010 at noon EST my friend, Geoff Davis, co-founder of Unitus, one of the world’s leading microlending NGOs, will share his journey from a driven business executive to a compassionate philanthropist.  Please be in touch with me if you would like to listen and participate in this call with Geoff.  I will gladly share the call-in information with you.

Geoff asked me what I had discovered about the Five Pillars of Purposeful Philanthropy.   In a few hours of reflection late this evening, clarity finally came to me around what I consider to be the Five Pillars of Purposeful Philanthropy.  I’d love to ask each of you to reflect on each of the pillars and to share with us examples of how one or more of these pillars have contributed to the joy of your philanthropic journey.

Pillars of Purposeful Philanthropy
 

1) We believe in the paradox some call an abundance mentality-- by sharing and giving our lives are made richer 

2) We make the world a better place each day, one step by purposeful step.  Vision and compassion are the keys to our purposeful philanthropic journey--a journey which takes us from being mere checkwriters to being purposeful philanthropists.

3) We marvel at the interconnectedness of mankind and the interrelatedness of all cultures and communities.  There can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is finally peace and joy for you too.

4) We enhance and empower our fellowmen through purposeful gifts.  We resist any impulse which would demean or create dependency.

5) We recognize that a shared philanthropic journey creates not only compassion but also resiliency and a commitment to purposeful self-sufficiency in the next generations of our family.

“A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”  —Albert Einstein

The "I Won The Child Lottery" Journal Practice

Appreciation provides children with a sense of real security, a feeling of personal confidence, the assurance that someone understands and cares.  Everyone, not just children, would like to have these feelings.  So appreciation and encouragement are just as powerful an influence on adults as they are on children.

"Talents and creative gifts are squelched and stifled without encouragement and appreciation. Children can be made to feel as nothing, and go nowhere and learn little, and young people never fulfill their possibilities, except for encouragement and praise and appreciation."

—Richard L. Evans

I hope you have taken the time to reflect and preserve, in writing or digital recording, the “I Won the Child Lottery” Exercise which I wrote about in my December 22nd blog (click to view).  If you have now is the time for me to encourage you to consider sharing the positive essence of that reflection, if not your entire writing or recording, with the child you were reflecting on during the exercise.  I have had several clients thank me for encouraging them to do just that because it led to a powerfully positive interaction with a person they cared deeply about.

If your child is too young to fully appreciate your “I Won the Child Lottery” Exercise, please consider this suggestion.  Imagine keeping a journal of these reflections.  On your child’s birthday every year you would pause to reflect on the positive experiences of the prior twelve months.  You would chronicle those important growth events in your child’s life and record the feelings of love and parental pride you have felt.  Imagine the power that these expressions of appreciation and love will have on your child in later years when they receive this journal and when they return to feel its power thereafter.  

The practice of a “I Won the Child Lottery” journal would not only forever link your hearts together with the powerful bonds of generativity and positive emotion but its influence could also be felt by the descendants of your child.  I remember a grandmother telling me about such a journal that she had kept: one for each of her children.  When her grandchildren would come to visit, the first thing they would ask to do wasn’t to run into the backyard and play with fun stuff their grandfather had put together, but rather it was to sit down with grandma and to go through the journal she had compiled for their parent.  They never got tired of hearing the things that had been written about their parent and took particular interest in hearing what was written when he or she was their age.

There is a book entitled The Blessing which describes the angst one of the co-authors had as he raced to his father’s hospital bed in hopes of hearing some last words before his father expired.  Sadly, as I recall, he didn’t get there in time and the failure to hear a “blessing” from his father was the lament which fueled the book project.  May we start immediately to “practice” sharing such positive and affirming statements on a frequent basis so that none of us will leave an unuttered word of appreciation or encouragement at our death.

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone"—Harriet Beecher Stowe

Winning the Child Lottery

In Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture he described how, as a parent of three young children, he felt had won the Child Lottery.  If you are a parent, or a grandparent, have you reflected on how “lucky” you are to have child(ren) or grandchild(ren) in your life?

 

How easy it is for us to take for granted the marvelous opportunity it is to have a child.  With that privilege, however, comes a great responsibility—parenthood.  

I wish that in every newborn education class the last segment of the curriculum would teach the importance of what I call “the soft side of parenting skills.”  Changing diapers, putting your child in a car seat, and getting the temperature of baby food just right are all part of the “hard side” of parenting.  Recognizing the uniqueness and potential of their child, expressing love and appreciation in healthy daily doses, and giving your child the appropriate space to make wise choices and learn from the pain of their mistakes—these are all part of the more difficult “soft side of parenting.”

Looking back in the rearview mirror of life, I find myself wishing I could have braked more often in my rush down the freeway of my professional life to pause and reflect on how lucky I was as a parent.  Today, I try to make sure I find time for such reflections.  And as I have now discovered the exhilarating scenic byway of life we call grandparenthood I find great joy in pulling over in view areas where I can reflect on the wonder of my grandsons (I have seven of them with a hope there might yet be a granddaughter). 

Carve out twenty to thirty minutes soon.  Reward yourself by finding a comfortable chair or that inspiring spot in nature where your soul can soar.  Bring along a writing tablet, or if it is easier a digital recorder.  There is a power in capturing through the written or recorded word the vividness of the positive emotions which will flow from these reflections. 

Decide who you want to center your reflection around.  Is it your child or grandchild?  Or if you don’t have children of your own, is it a niece, nephew or some other young person with whom you have established a relationship and who is so anxious for your positive companionship. 

Then study the reflective questions below.  Find the questions which are most appropriate given the age of the child or perhaps a recent event of special significance or joy.   Pause to consider how this child will be touched in such a positive way by these expressions of your love, admiration, joy, confidence, and pride.   Write or dictate the feelings and memories which bubble up as you reflect on:

What special moments of joy has this child brought into my life?

What are the unique talents or attributes which makes this young person so exceptional?

If someone asked me why I feel like I won the Child Lottery, what would I say?

If I were given “cosmic permission” to assimilate one of the features, gifts, or special skills I see in this child, what would it be and why?

When you witnessed this child achieve a milestone in their life path, or overcome a difficult challenge, what did you feel and what hope or wonder did that leave you with in terms of what amazing things he or she may accomplish later in life?

The Power of Expressions of Appreciation, Encouragement and Love on Your Child, Grandchild or Friend

The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated—William James

I’ve just returned from an incredible trip to Argentina.  It was a chance for me to return, after many years to a nation I have lived in for three years and which I consider my second “homeland.”  About a century ago Argentina was the 10th wealthiest nation in the world.  Blessed with abundant natural resources its future in the early years of the 20th century appeared bright.  But Argentines will generally be the first to admit that their nation has not achieved its full potential and they express great disappointment that its position as one of the world’s wealthier nations has slipped.

From downtown Buenos Aires to the international airport is about a one hour ride in rush hour traffic.  Our trip in early December ride proved fascinating because of a highly educated driver.  Here was a man who, until he became disenchanted with the official and unofficial censorship  of the news stories he felt needed to be told, held an important position inside one of the most important news sources inside of Argentina. 

In that hour he helped us understand the complex and volatile political history of Argentina since Juan and Eva Peron rose to power in 1945.  As I thanked him for the safe arrival and the history lesson, I couldn’t help but feel a certain sadness that a man of such great potential makes his living today not as a journalist but as a limo driver.   His dreams for the future—both for himself and his children—were smothered by repressive and discouraging words and acts.

On the flight back to Denver I thought of another incident I had witnessed in which a young mother had angrily rebuked her three or four year old child calling her a “nena estupida.”  This tirade of negativity was in stark contrast to what I was accustomed to seeing in Argentina where parents usually demonstrate effusive love and affection for their children.

Have you seen the statistics about how many positive or affirming statements it takes to overcome the force of one negative criticism?  I’d love to hear any empirical evidence or anectodal examples you might share with the readers of Seedlings.  I believe negativity is destructive at any age.  But it is particularly lethal to the potential of children and young adults whose life experience hasn’t yet given them any counterweight to offset the negativity they hear.

The finest gift you can give anyone is encouragement. Yet, almost no one gets the encouragement they need to grow to their full potential. If everyone received the encouragement they need to grow, the genius in most everyone would blossom…We would have more than one Einstein, Edison, Schweitzer, Mother Theresa, Dr. Salk and other great minds in a century.”—Sidney Madwed