Seedlings

Guest Blog - Kite Flying

This Guest Blog comes from my friend, Dr. Ted Klontz, co-founder of Your Mental Wealth and Klontz Consulting Group.  You can learn more about Ted and his work on his website http://www.yourmentalwealth.com/. I think you will enjoy Ted's story of playing with his young granddaughter and his reminder about the importance of showing up and being as willing and present as possible.  That works everytime with grandkids.  And, it's a wonderful formula for interacting with adults, in and beyond our family circle.  I can't wait to "Kite Play" with my grandkids come springtime.  In the meantime I'm going to look for other opportunities to stretch my playful muscles when I'm around them.

  Wow, the Windy City was living up to its reputation. 20-25 mile per hour gusty winds showed up as ordered for “Community Kite Day”, sponsored by the local Department of Parks and Recreation. However, the warmth that was imagined for this didn’t make an appearance. 33 + degrees, snow spitting periodically, the sun playing peek-a-boo with us, along with the aforementioned stout winds made for a perfect day to be a kite. Not so much the kite flier.

Not to be deterred by the weather, six-year old granddaughter Morgan was game and so was I. Bundled up more like we were going cross country skiing than kite flying we walked the two blocks to the park where we joined four other brave adults (out of a city of 14,000) and their little munchkins to do the deed.

But I had a secret. I didn’t know how a grandfather was supposed to play “kites” with his granddaughter. My most typical role as grandfather is fixing things around mom and dad’s house like broken toys, and cooking. I had been enrolled once as a prince marrying the princess, but didn’t have to know much, because I was told very directly what to do and not do. I also was good for a book reading now and then at their request.

Though I had two grandfathers growing up, playing kites (or anything else) with them, never happened, and I only remember playing with my father one day. There never seemed to be all that much time for playing. So, finding no instruction book on the subject, I thought I would just wing it.

We quickly put the pre-fab kite together. Footnote: when we were kids, we used to try to make our own kites with newspapers, string, glue, sticks, and ripped up rags for tails. Not with any great degree of success, by the way. Trust me. Prefab kites? BETTER.

Morgan was actually jumping up and down with excitement as we readied the kite. With her holding the string, we let out about 10 feet; I tossed the kite into the air, and she took off running. The kite immediately popped up in the sky. The look on her face was an “I can’t believe this!” What she did say was “Look Pappy, look!”. The wind was incredibly cooperative. She ran around the park for a full 10 minutes, jerking it around as if it was a fun-loving, unruly, untrained puppy.

When she tired of that, I showed her how to let the string all the way out so the kite could go higher. As she did that the kite went straight up as if it was a thoroughbred released from the starting gate. She soon discovered that if she just loosely held the stick the string was wound around, the wind took over and within 20 seconds the kite shot up over 300 feet in the air. Pretty much straight up. I was amazed myself. I have never seen such a perfect wind for kite flying. Morgan couldn’t contain her excitement. Her grin was wider than her face. Her shrieks of “Look, Pappy!”, “Watch!” echoed through the park, causing some of the other adults to look at us, perhaps wondering what in the world I was doing to this child. I was focused on Morgan’s face and saw a look of total mastery. A rare moment for any of us, especially I’m guessing, for a six-year old who lives in a made-for-big people world.

Once the kite had reached its terminal altitude, things calmed down and she handed me the kite. I showed her a couple of tricks she hadn’t thought of yet and we shared what little “generational knowledge” I had about kite flying. She discovered that the kite would dance and swirl, or pitch up and down, as a result of what she did with her arms as she ran around in giant circles. It seemed as if she was experiencing pure unadulterated delight, totally present in the moment. Nothing else seemed to exist for her. Such innocence. Such simple joy.

All this had taken about 20 minutes and I was secretly thinking, “Ok, it’s cold; we’ve done the kite thing, now she’ll probably want to go, and I will pretend to not celebrate the decision.” But she had another idea. “Pappy go stand under the kite so I can see how far away it is from us.” A football field away, I waved to her. She was impressed by the distance. She screamed “I CAN HARDLY SEE YOU!”,or at least that is what I thought she was saying, not being able to trust my decades-old ears as well as I used to. I do know she screamed in delight, right after she said it.

When I got back to her, in my indirect way, I said “What would you like to do now?” She took a few winds of the string around the stick to begin the process of bringing the kite back to us, then handed me the stick and said, “Wind this up for me”. With that order, she went a few steps ahead of me and grabbed the string and followed it the entire 100 yards as I rapidly wound the string up. Essentially she was “flying” the kite in a different way, while I wrapped string. Thinking (praying is more like it; I was C-O-L-D) this was it, I said, “When I get this string all wrapped, let’s go to Amelia’s (a neighborhood diner) and get some hot chocolate.” She was excited about that possibility. I sure was.

It took about 10 minutes for me to wind the string up. As I got finished she asked to hold it, and proceeded to let the wind unwind the entire 300 feet of string, again………

She looked at me with a big grin and said, “Pappy, wind it up again,” as she took off with her hand around the string following it all the way to the kite, eventually bringing it to the ground yet again. We played that ritual out six more times. Carpal tunnel was a growing risk factor.

I could tell that it was an incredibly pleasing thing for her to know that she was making the kite go up and that she could make it come down. She was enthralled. Mesmerized. Such power. So much control over what happened next. So much mastery.

I have a suspicion that we would still be there, if her father hadn‘t come to check on us and let us know that the agenda needed to move forward. We wound the kite up for the last time, took it apart and put it away. Dad gave us a ride to the diner. We ordered and each had the biggest hot chocolate I’d ever seen. I asked her how she liked it; she looked at me and gave me a silent “thumbs up.”

She later reported to her mom about how much fun we had playing.

As I reflected on my fear of not knowing how to “play kites,” I realized that perhaps not knowing how to do it, opened me up to just allow it to happen. No plans, no preconceptions, no directions to her about how it was “supposed” to be done. She invented and developed the experience. It was fully hers, I simply assisted.

I was reminded once again that my showing up, being willing and as fully present as I can be, might just be the best playing skill (make that living skill), I can have. Perhaps I don’t need to know anything else.

 

The Calculus of Love -- A Formula for Enduring Legacies

“It was the day my father died…in the small hospital room.  I was supporting him in my arms, when…my father slumped back…I lowered his head gently onto the pillow.  I…told my mother…: “It’s all over, Mom.  Dad is dead.’…My mother said:’Oh, he was so proud of you. He loved you so much.’…these words…were like a sudden shaft of light, like a startling thought I had never before absorbed.  Yet there was a definite edge of pain, as though I were going to know my father better in death than I had ever known him in life.”  Later, while a doctor was verifying death, I was leaning against the wall in the far corner of the room, crying softly.  A nurse came over to me and put a comforting arm around me.  I couldn’t talk through my tears.  I wanted to tell her: “’I’m not crying because my father is dead.  I’m crying because my father never told me that he was proud of me…never told me that he loved me.  Of course, I was expected to know these things…but he never told me.’”  John Powell, as told inThe Secret of Staying in Love, p. 68

 

There are so many unknowns in the calculus of love…the factors of When, How, and Who are all part of the equation. 

Until love is expressed, whether in word or through action, its influence is unfelt and emotionally inert.  Only When love is communicated do we release its positive energy. 

Through the expression of love two people benefit immediately: the speaker or doer as well as the recipient of the word or deed.  In the sadness expressed by John Powell in the story above, we see how devastating it is when we treat love as an assumption rather than an expression.

How we express our love, appreciation, pride or any other positive emotion intended to uplift, matters not as much as the expression itself.  Surely there are myriad facets for the Hows in this Calculus of Love.  Each sparkles and shimmers with the positivity of emotion.  What tarnishes the expression of love, and turns the calculus negative, are insincerity, indifference, and domineering pride.

The Who is defined by the circle of our family and the circumference of deep friendship.  Each within that radius will benefit from the expression of our love.  And, if the expression can be preserved in writing, audio or video files that can be treasured electronically, so much the better.  For then those expressions will live on to prove that we heeded the admonition of Harriet Beecher Stowe that “the bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.” 

The day will come when, after harnessing [space], the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire--Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

 

 

 

 

Father of the Year….or Father for Today?

 

“Any man can be a father.  But it takes someone special to be a Dad”—Anne Geddes

 

We need successful fathers today more than we have ever needed them.

 

This week I had the privilege of attending a gala dinner to honor four men who had been selected as the Father of the Year by a large non-profit organization.  One of them was the father of an Olympian, another a professional athlete, another a man who had built a great construction company while raising 3 outstanding children, and another was a young man who clearly had balanced his life priorities to spend quality time with his four young children.  Each of these fathers was complimented by a wife and mother to whom they paid special tribute.

 

One of the children of each man was selected to give a short tribute to their fathers.  The Olympian didn’t talk about her father as someone who drove her, both literally and authoritatively, to become a world record holder at age 17.  Instead she talked about her father as “my best friend” and described the affection and emotional support she received from him.  She told of how she had learned to set goals and sacrifice because of the model her father was.

Watching videos describing how each man had exemplified the traits each of us would ascribe to a successful father, and then hearing the real-time emotion in the voices of the children and fathers, was most inspiring.  It left me to reflect on whether we need more Fathers of the Year or more Fathers for Today.

 

 

Today is Father’s Day.  And, each moment of each day presents each father with the gift of time...the gift of myriad opportunities to be a positive and sustaining influence in the life of his child or children.

 

Not all men have the privilege of being fathers.  And, not all fathers exercise the privilege of fatherhood.  But as David Blankenhorn, in his book entitled Fatherless America warns, “Fatherlessness” is “the most harmful demographic trend of this generation” and the leading cause of damage to children….It is the engine driving our most urgent social problems, from crime to adolescent pregnancy to child sexual abuse to domestic violence…”

May all fathers on this Father’s Day reflect on how they can be the most effective Father forToday.  And may those men who have not had the privilege of having children, reflect on how you might extend a positive fatherly influence into the lives of those children who are cursed with “Fatherlessness”. 

"Not every successful man is a Dad.  But every great Dad is a successful man"—John A. Warnick

 

 

Growth Boards Are Parenting "Totem Poles"

 

“The potential possibilities of our child are the most intriguing we will ever witness in all of creation.  The awakening of those potentialities is our most important responsibility as a parent”—John “John A” Warnick

 

As a child I was fascinated by totem poles.  Some were scary; others inviting.  But each was colorful and unique.

Our children and grandchildren are as unique as a totem pole.  As the poet Wordsworth wrote in his Ode “Intimations of Immortality” each child comes “trailing clouds of glory”.  Each child/adult’s “exterior semblance doth belie” the “soul’s immensity.”  Within the immensity of the human soul lie wondrous gifts and talents, waiting to be uncovered and developed with a lifetime of patience and persistence.

Our biggest opportunity as parents and grandparents is to believe in the divine worth of our children and grandchildren.  And the awakening of the potentialities within our child is our biggest responsibility.  We start by helping our child/grandchild understand “God doesn’t make junk”.  We also need to nurture their confidence and resilience.  The Growth Board can be a key tool to assist us in these tasks.  But before I share the exciting possibilities of a Growth Board, let’s explore the meaning of the totem pole.

The art forms, faces, figures and stories represented on totem poles were part of the tribal legacy.  Often the accomplishments of an individual and the rights acquired during his lifetime were chronicled on the totem pole.

You may have fond memories of your mother or father placing a pencil mark on the wall in your kitchen or bedroom.  On each birthday I had to stop wiggling long enough for my mom to be able to draw a line, note the height and date.  And, then my parents would point with pride to the fact I had grown a couple of inches.

That height chart was preserved when the kitchen was repainted. But then I left home and eventually my parents sold the home and the record of my physical growth was lost.  What if there was a way to chronicle not just the physical growth of a child, but to create a lasting reminder of your child’s greatest accomplishments?  That is what I call the Growth Board. 

This idea was sparked by a practice I learned about from a very accomplished man, who along with his wife, found a way to profoundly encourage their children.  He chose a finely grained piece of wood, soft enough to carve.  On the “board” as he called it, he would place a knotch, with the date and his child’s height, to mark a special event or achievement in their life journey.  But that wasn’t the only thing they did with the “board”.  They would carefully choose words of inspiration.  Perhaps a quote, a scripture, or even something remarkable the child uttered.  For one son who was so timid he wouldn’t even walk into a store and talk to a teller or clerk, he carved the words “Bold as a Lion” along with the image of a large lion roaring.  In time his son found the courage to overcome his timidity.

With another son he climbed a high mountain but fatigue overcame his son and they never attained the peak.  Instead of allowing disappointment to mar that memory, the father saw a way to chronicle their time together.  He carved an image of an Eagle on the board and found a quote that talked of “Soaring Like an Eagle”. 

Imagine what the Growth Board tradition might mean in a family.  In a family room or den there are several generations of Growth Boards displayed, a visible reminder to the rising generations of the family of the family’s tradition of seeking to develop the gifts we have been blessed with and overcoming our weaknesses and the adversity which inevitably is part of our life journey.

A Growth Board doesn’t have to be limited to fathers and sons. Mothers and daughters should be a part of the Growth Board tradition.  Nor need it be limited to parents.  Even grandfathers and grandmothers can start today to create this Family Totem Pole.  May yours be colorful, meaningful and created with love and your abiding faith in the goodness and unique gifts your children and grandchildren have been blessed with.

 

“When you put faith, hope and love together, you can raise positive kids in a negative world”—Zig Ziglar

 

 

 

 

This is No Place for My Son -- The Story of Mother Meng

 

“The formative period for building character for eternity is in the nursery.  The mother is queen of that realm and sways a scepter more potent than that of kings or priests”—Author Unknown

A Chinese mother watched her son play.  The three year old had observed the burial rituals taking place in the graveyard next to his home.  The boy happily spent hours building miniature tombs and grave mounds.  She whispered to herself, “This is no place to raise my son.”  So the widow and her young son moved.

Their new home was next to the village marketplace.   The young boy watched the merchants and vendors in action along the boisterous marketplace.  Soon he was hawking imaginary wares and haggling with imaginary customers using the same words he had heard in the marketplace. Again the widow muttered, “This is no place for my son.”

This time they moved next to a school house.  Here the Chinese classics were studied.  Now the lad was imitating the scholars and students he saw studying the words of Confucius and other Chinese sages.  His mother smiled and thought, “This is indeed the right place for my son to grow into manhood.”

This mother has been revered in China for more than 24 centuries.  She is known as Mother Meng and her son was Mengzi.  In the West we known him as Mencius.  The choices Mother Meng made to find the right place to raise Mencius would be felt for centuries.  For Mencius became one of the greatest Chinese sages.  He spent great energy influencing the kings and rulers of his day, but even more time and thought defining for all the qualities of the human heart and a life well lived.

There are many choices parents face in the nurture of their children and the activities of their adolescents.  These choices, when purposefully made with the child’s best interest paramount in our minds, may have profound long-term impact on the child. 

I started Kindergarten in a public school just a few minutes from my home.  Three weeks after school began my mother announced I would be going to a different school, one that was a 15 minute drive from our home.  My parents were sure the new school was the “right place” for me.  It was a small, semi-private K-12 school and I would graduate 12 years later with almost 40 students who had started in elementary school with me.  I don't know that there was anything that wrong with the first school.  I just know my mother wanted me to have the best educational experience possible.  And, she and my father were willing to pay the tuition and sacrifice their time to drive me to the new school so I could have the best teachers.  They knew, like Mother Meng, that the right learning environment could have a profound influence on their child.

Some of the parental choices which have the greatest impact are simple lessons in quiet moments.  Let me close by sharing another story from the boyhood of Mencius.  Mother Meng worked hard to support herself and her son with weaving.  One day Mencius cut out of school and came home early.  As he passed his mother weaving at a loom, Mother Meng asked,  “How are you doing at school?” Mencius replied “just so-so.”  She quickly seized a knife and cut across the threads of the loom, leaving the unfinished tapestry frayed and useless.  Shocked that his mother had just destroyed something so vital to their well-being, Mencius blurted, “What have you done?” Quietly she replied, “Neglecting your study is like my cutting the threads on the loom.  We are poor.  You need a good education to establish yourself.  If you stop your study halfway, you’ll accomplish nothing.  When you grow up, you’ll either be somebody’s servant or become a robber.  What difference is there between half-a-weaving and a boy half-educated?” 

Mother Meng’s lesson was both felt and learned. Mencius applied himself diligently thereafter.  He became a revered Confucian scholar.  By the 12^th century his book Mencius had become a classic in Chinese literature, second only to Confucius’ Analects. A mother’s work is never done and she may never know how far her example and lessons will extend.

 

“I will fight for my children on any level so they can reach their potential as human beings”—Princess Diana

 

The Five Second Hugging Practice

"A hug delights and warms and charms,
that must be why God gave us arms."~Author Unknown

In the last couple of months, I've been reflecting on the power of a hug to convey love and friendship, warmth and encouragement, comfort and empathy.  I've looked at both sides of hugs...as a greeting and as a farewell...as well as the wonderful warmth of affirming and empowering hugs.

 In a recent visit with three of my young grandsons in Pennsylvania I was inspired to try an experiment.  What is the optimal duration of a grandfather/grandson hug?  My very small sampling suggests three to five to seconds is ideal for hugs with squirmy young grandsons.  With that research in hand, I dug a little deeper looking for serious scientific inquiries into the question of what the ideal duration of a hug might be.  

To my amazement I found a study by British psychologist Emese Nagy of the duration and nature of hugs among the athletes at the 2008 Summer Olympics.  The average duration of these spontaneous hugs (including touching before and after the embrace) was 4.81 seconds.

But perhaps much more important than the duration of a hug, particularly when it comes to hugs for our children and grandchildren, is the frequencies with which we give hugs.

Virginia Satir, a respected family therapist, has said "(w)e need four hugs a day for survival.  We need eight hugs for maintenance.  We need twelves hugs a day for growth." And, research in a Korea orphanage demonstrated a significant boost in the health and growth of infant orphans who received an extra 15 minutes a day of physical touching.

There is a magic in hugging.  This simple form of affection boosts a young child's mental and physical development.  Hugging aids in the development of life skills.

Sadly, research shows that female infants receive almost five times as much hugging and touching as males.  And the Univ. of Pittsburgh reports that when it comes to soothing, holding or playing, American children receive significantly less contact than those of other cultures.  As our children grow older we tend to forget the importance of hugging.  Yet, it may be as vital for teenagers to be hugged and affirmed as it is for young children.

So let's commit ourselves today to a practice of hugging.  And, here's just some of the myriad daily opportunities for you and your child or grandchild to experience the Fusion of Hugging:

• Say good morning with a hug
• Say good night with a hug and a kiss
• Hug your child when they come home from school or when you get home from work
• Hug your child when you pick them up from day-care or the babysitter's
• Say thank-you with a hug
• Hug them to appreciate when they've done their chores
• Hug your child after a performance or game
• Hug them on your (their) way out the door in the morning
• Hug them and whisper "I Love You" as a Random Moment of Affection
• Hug them before they leave on a date and on their return
• Hug them when they have had a bad day or run into adversity
• Hug them when they recount a special accomplishment or moment in their life

"The best gift you can give is a hug.  One size fits all and no one minds if you return it."
~Author Unknown

 

Hugging is Human Fusion

"A hug delights and warms and charms, that must be why God gave us arms." ~Author Unknown

“Hugging is human fusion: it produces more energy than it consumes.

Hugging is organic, free of pesticides and preservatives.

Hugging requires no special instructions to assemble and has no removable parts or batteries to wear out.

Hugging is non-taxable, non-polluting and theft-proof.

It’s the one thing we need more of in our families and throughout the world.”

–John A. Warnick

“Everybody needs a hug. It changes your metabolism." ~Leo Buscaglia

The Eaglets’ Dilemma

“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives” - William James

I was inspired by a story by Tom Reilly entitled The Power of Attitude.  I have taken the liberty of adapting and shortening the story, so that it reads as follows:

The time had come for the three eaglets to stretch their wings and experience flight for the first time.  Their parents asked if they had any questions:

"How high can I fly?" inquired the first eaglet.

"How wide can you stretch your wings?" asked their mother.

"How much can we achieve?" the second eaglet asked.

"How much can you dream?" smiled their father.

"How far can we travel?" asked the third eaglet.

"How distantly can you see?" responded their father.

"How long can I fly?" the young eaglet persisted.

"How long do you want to be gone?" their mother replied.

Frustrated by his parents’ questioning replies, the third eaglet demanded, "Why don't you answer our questions?"

"We did."

"But you answered them with questions.  You are our parents.  You’re supposed to know everything.  If you don't answer our questions, who will?"

"You." Their father calmly replied.

"Us? But how?" the first eaglet testily probed.

"No one can tell you how high to fly or how big your dreams should be. Only God knows your potential and what's in your hearts. You alone can discover the answer to these questions.  The only limiting boundaries to your life’s journey is the horizon of your imagination."

"Look to the sky, spread your wings, and fly."

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream. Discover”—Mark Twain

 

 

Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset – Which Is Right For Your Child?

“Our mindset is not a minor personality quirk.  It creates our whole mental world.  It explains how we become optimistic or pessimistic.  It shapes our goals, our attitude toward work and relationships, and how we raise our kids, ultimately predicting whether or not we will fulfill our potential”—Dr. Carol Dweck, from her book Mindset

 While reading Mindset I have been impressed with applications of what Dr. Dweck calls the Fixed Mindset and  the Growth Mindset to our work as parents and grandparents.  The fundamental difference between the Fixed Mindset and the Growth Mindset lies in our attitude towards our natural abilities and intelligence.

Individuals with a Fixed Mindset believe that our abilities are carved in stone.

The growth mindset, on the other hand, is based on the belief that our basic qualities are cultivated through effort.  If you have a growth mindset you acknowledge that people differ dramatically in their initial talents, aptitudes, interests and temperaments, but you recognize that everyone of us can change and grow through application and experience.

As a society today we seem to value natural, effortless accomplishment over achievement through grit and sheer effort.  However, in Howard Gardner's book Extraordinary Minds he concludes that exceptional individuals have a "special talent for identifying their own strengths and weaknesses."

Alfred Binet, the Frenchman who is considered the father of the IQ test, remarked:  "A few modern philosophers...assert that an individual's intelligence is a fixed quantity, a quantity which cannot be increased.  We must protest and react against this brutal pessimism...With practice, training, and above all, method, we manage to increase our attention, our memory, our judgment and literally to become more intelligent than we were before."  And, Robert Sternberg, another guru of intelligence theory, asserts that the major factor in whether people achieve expertise "is not some fixed prior ability, but purposeful engagement."

A growth mindset isn't built on the premise that everyone, with just the proper doses of persistence and opportunity, can become an Einstein or Beethoven.  But rather, as Dr. Dweck points out, each individual's "true potential is unknown (and unknowable); that it's impossible to forsee what can be accomplished with years of passion, toil and training.”

What are the characteristics and behaviors which you would expect to see from a child who has embraced a Growth Mindset?

Why is it so important parents correct the influence of a Fixed Mindset before it becomes habitual thinking with our children?

“This life, therefore, is not righteousness but growth in righteousness; not health but healing; not being but becoming, not rest but exercise.  We are not yet what we shall be but we are growing towards it.  The process is not yet finished it is going on.  This is not the end, but it is the road.  All does not gleam in glory, but all is being purified”—Martin Luther King Jr.

The Joy and Travails of Finding Your First Job

 

"Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice and need”—Voltaire

What was the first job for which you received a pay stub?   I remember the exhilaration I felt when I looked at the dollar and cents I had earned and the adrenalin of anticipation of how I might spend, what seemed to me, an incredibly large sum.  What was the amount?  If I remember correctly I was working for $1.25 an hour so the wages for two weeks would have been about $100.

But that excitement pales in comparison to the pride I felt when my supervisor told my father what a hard worker and quick learner I was.

I don’t remember much about how I got that first job other than that my father scouted it out and took me to introduce me to my prospective employer.  In hindsight it seems like it was a foregone conclusion I would be hired.

Unfortunately, it is getting more and more difficult for teenagers to find employment.  The last two summers the number of employed teenagers were near record lows.  And, despite a slightly improving economic outlook, this summer doesn’t look much better.  Teenagers are still facing a tough time finding work—nationally 24% of the 16 to 19 year olds looking for work are jobless. 

Knowing how valuable that work experience can be for teenagers, let me offer a few suggestions on the ways in which you can help your child get a job:

• Start early. The best time to be looking for summer jobs is during the winter or early spring.

• Help your teenager put together a resume.  We didn’t need resumes when I applied for my first job.  I recall filling out an application but I wouldn’t learn what a resume was for another six or seven years.  Working with your child to create their resume is a wonderful opportunity to affirm their accomplishments and to help them begin to appreciate what employers are interested in.

• Review what to expect in a job interview.  In fact, you might want to consider role-playing with your teenager what a “real” job interview might feel like.  If your child has classmates who are also in the job market see if your child would be willing to be interviewed by the classmate’s parent.  And, of course, you could extend reciprocity.

• Did you ever suffer rejection when you were applying for jobs as a teenager or young adult?   It can be crushing to teenagers particularly if they have been very successful in school and extracurricular activities.  They make take it as a general statement about their worth or inappropriately extrapolate what the rejection means about their future.  Or, they may disparage the prospective employer, describing them as stupid or worse.  You can exercise your empathy muscles, share rejection experiences from your repertoire or that of others your teenager admires, and help your child understand that being turned down for jobs happens to everyone and that other prospective employers won’t know that he/she has been rejected. 

What tips might you offer to the prospective employee or the parent of that teenager?

“Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment.  Full effort is full victory—Gandhi