Seedlings

The Pillars of Purposeful Philanthropy

In March 2010 my friend Geoff Davis, co-founder and former CEO of Unitus, asked me how I thought Purposeful Planning would influence the world of philanthropy.  I reflected for several hours late that night and what emerged is what I've called the Five Pillars of Purposeful Philanthropy.  

Recently, I shared those pillars with some of my collaborators within the LinkedIn world.  What resulted was a flood of appreciation and powerful suggestions on expanding the universality and impact of the pillars. Over the last couple of days I've contemplated what I've learned from those who reached out to me, as well as from my client experiences over the last three years, and this has led to deepening the Pillars as well as shifting my vision of their purpose.

The pillars are not intended to replace but rather guide and support the processes, strategies, tactics, meetings and effort which an individual or family generates through their philanthropic journey.  The pillars are the "Being" which manifests itself in the "Doing: of giving and service.  Here are the Six Pillars of Purposeful Philanthropy.  Please let me know if you feel there is still something missing from this list.

 

VISION:  Until I know myself, the blinders of the past obscure the pathways to significance. To clearly see the needs of others as well our opportunities to make the world a better place, I must first know myself.  To know who I am, I must first ask who am I…..and then who am I not to be. 

 

ABUNDANCE AND GRATITUDE: We give and share with love so that gratitude can unlock the fullness of life.  We trust in the paradox of the law of abundance -- by sharing and giving our lives are made richer.  There are two keys to the treasure chest of generosity.  With one key we impart freely of both material resources and spiritual plenty.  With the other we gratefully accept all that comes back.

 

PURPOSE AND FOCUS:  Vision and purpose are keys to our philanthropic journey--a journey which takes us from mere givers of money to impactful and purposeful philanthropists.  We focus our strategies and leverage our efforts to make our philanthropic vision real and congruent with our family’s shared purpose(s).

 

COMPASSION: We enhance and empower our fellowmen through purposeful gifts.  We resist any impulse which would demean or create dependency.

 

LEGACY: As stewards of our family’s wealth, we gratefully acknowledge all we have received from the prior generations as well as the wealth we are “borrowing” from the future generations of our family.  We repay both debts through service and example. We trust this shared philanthropic journey will create compassion, resiliency and purposeful self-sufficiency in the next generations of our family. 

 

COMMITMENT AND PASSION: Our philanthropic passion for the causes we embrace creates the enthusiasm and devotion which will ultimately change lives and make the world a better place. We marvel at the interconnectedness of mankind and the interrelatedness of all cultures and communities. There can be no peace and joy for us until we see peace and joy for you too

 

 

Good people treat others as they would like to be treated.   Generous people treat others better than they would like to be treated   Wise people do not indulge in being either good or generous.  Instead, they treat people as they need to be treated – Sufi Proverb

 

Avoiding the Sting of Words Left Unsaid and Deeds Left Undone

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone - Harriet Beecher Stowe

Almost everyone reading this has lost a parent, grandparent, spouse or child. We all know immediately what the sting of "words left unsaid" and "deeds left undone" is.  

I believe there are two great barriers, Misplaced Priorities and the Illusion of Difficulty, which get in our way when it comes to creating a Purposeful Legacy, Gift or Trust.

Misplaced Priorities

If we knew we only had seven days to live, wouldn’t we make time to have meaningful conversations with those we care about most deeply and to leave something behind that would be a lasting reminder of our love for them.

Unfortunately, the busyness and business of life gets in the way of our best intentions.  We assume there will be many tomorrows in which we can have these conversations.  The reality is we seldom know when the gift of time expires and we lose our opportunity to act on our best intentions.

We don’t have to be a prisoner of our past.  We each have the power to be the architect of our future.  We can start now to refocus our priorities and create small blocks of time for Purposeful Gifts.  And, from these foundations of Purposeful Gifts we can also create Purposeful Trusts and Legacies. 

Illusion of Difficulty

Another artificial barrier that blocks our commitment to create Purposeful Gifts and Trusts is the illusion of difficulty.  We don’t know how or where to start.  We assume that to be impactful a Purposeful Gift requires more than we have to offer.

The truth is that every time we create a Purposeful Gift it becomes easier to do it again.  And, every Purposeful Gift we make can be a powerful building block towards a Purposeful Legacy.

And while we overestimate the amount of time or the difficulty of creating a Purposeful Gift we ignore or greatly underestimate the positive impact our effort will have.  I have created two tools to help me and my clients overcome these barriers.  One is called Purposeful Visioning Exercises.  The other is what I refer to as Purposeful Conversations.  The Purposeful Visioning Exercises are self-guided, easy-to-use 30 to 45 minute exercises, which will help you create a Purposeful Gift you can deliver to your loved one today.  It can also warm up your estate planning documents if your planners and attorneys are familiar with Purposeful Trusts and Wills.  Purposeful Conversations work best with a guide or facilitator who will ask you the questions and record your answers.

But let me take us back to that Harriet Beecher Stowe quote.  How can we best overcome Misplaced Priorities and the Illusion of Difficulty so that we leave no words unsaid and no deeds undone?  I'd love to hear any thoughts you have.

The Most Powerful Sound in the Universe are words of love and encouragement - John "John A" Warnick

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The Things I've Left Unsaid

Count Your Generosity

"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings"—Eric Hoffer

One of the songs I learned early in life at Sunday School was “Count Your Blessings.”  Research, such as the work of Dr. Robert Emmons documented in Thanks – How the New Science Can Make You Happier shows that doing so makes us happier.  But more recent research suggests that in addition to counting our blessings, we should count our generosity.

Researchers Adam Grant of the University of Pennsylvania and Jane Dutton at the University of Michigan recently published their research studies which demonstrate that thinking about times when we have given to others is more effective in promoting generosity than counting our blessings. 

In their first experiment, Grant and Dutton studied fundraisers whose job was to solicit alumni donations to support various programs at a university. The researchers randomly split the fundraisers into two groups.  One group wrote journal entries about recent experiences of feeling grateful for receiving a benefit.  The second group wrote journal entries about recent experiences in which they made a contribution which enabled other people to feel grateful.

The researchers then measured how many calls each fundraiser made in the two weeks before and the two weeks after the week that they spent journaling.   The fundraisers who wrote about giving increased their hourly calls by more than 29% in the following two weeks.  The fundraisers who wrote about receiving, however, showed no change in the number of hourly calls made.

In a second experiment, Grant and Dutton randomly assigned college students to one of three groups, requiring them to list three ways they had recently given help, list three ways they had recently received help, or list three different foods they had eaten in the last week.

When the participants came a few weeks later to pick up their payment for participating in the study, they were given a form describing the March 11, 2011 earthquake and tsunami in Japan. On the form, the participants were asked whether they would like to donate any portion of their $5 payment to an earthquake relief fund.

Overall, 26% of the participants donated some amount of money. Similar to the results of the first experiment, participants who reflected on giving were significantly more likely to donate (46.15%) than those in either the beneficiary (21.43%) or control condition (13.33%).

Self-reflection about giving can be a powerful tool for motivating generosity and volunteerism.  If we want to encourage others to serve and assist others, it may be worthwhile to encourage them to reflect about what they have previously given to others—not just what they have received from others.

"Remembrance is the seed of gratitude, which is the seed of generosity"—Henry B. Eyring

Looking Back At Mother’s Day - The Reverse Gift Opportunity

“Do something wonderful, people may imitate it.” - Albert Schweitzer

In a recent post I stressed the powerful opportunity we all have to reflect on the gifts our mothers have given us.  Today, however, I want to suggest to mothers a way in which they can give a gift which will last long after their deaths.  I call this the “Reverse Gift Opportunity”.

A few years ago I was explaining to a client how she could leave a memorandum which would designate whom she wanted to receive her jewelry and other collectibles and keepsakes.  She responded:

“I have such beautiful jewelry and I want to make sure that I don't leave the girls in a position where they might fight over our heirlooms.  And, you know I'm wondering if I could leave the letter I would like to leave to the girls with that memo."

"What kind of letter do you have in mind?" I asked her. 

"Well," she responded, "I just feel like I have to leave a letter to each of my girls like my mother left to me.  You see my dad abandoned us before I was a year old.  My mother did the best job she could to raise me.  But I never saw my dad...don't even remember him and never had any desire to try to find him.  But just after I turned nine my mother died from a terminal illness.  I was forced to live with my grandmother and those were miserable years.  My heart ached for my mother and my grandmother seemed so mean.  I was sure my mother would never approve of all the strict rules my grandmother imposed on me.  By the time I was 14 I was doing everything my grandmother didn't want me to do just to spite her:  I ran with the wrong crowd, didn't do my homework, skipped school frequently, and really was plotting to run away from my grandmother's home.”

“On the morning of my 16^th birthday my grandmother greeted me with a ‘Happy Birthday Karen’ and handed me an envelope.  At first I thought it was from my grandmother but fortunately I looked at the cover and noticed what I thought was my name addressed in my mother's handwriting.  Instead of throwing the envelope away as I had initially intended, I opened it up.  And, there was a handwritten letter of three pages.  In it my mother said something like this:

Dearest Karen,

I've asked your grandmother to deliver this letter to you on your sixteenth birthday.  How I wished I could have lived to see you blow out those 17 candles on your birthday cake on this day.  There are so many things, Karen, that I wanted to do with you.  I wanted to be there to see you walk down the commencement ceremony at your high school graduation in your cap and gown.  I wanted to drive you to College and help you get situated in your dorm.  I wanted to be there when you graduated from College.  I wanted to give you away at your wedding.  I wanted to be there when you brought your first baby home from the hospital..."

By this time Karen was overcome by emotion and even I was reaching for the kleenex box.  When she regained her composure Karen finished the story.  "This letter changed my life.  I suddenly had a reason to be the person my mother had dreamed I would be rather than the person I felt my grandmother was forcing me to be.  I changed my friends.  I began to study and do my homework.  My grades improved immediately and I was able to get a scholarship to a couple of colleges.  I met Charles while a junior at college and went on to earn my college degree.  We got married and have two beautiful daughters.  All the things that my mother dreamed for me have come true."

So it was that night I learned how a letter from the grave, or at least a letter delivered years after the writer's death, could have had such a powerful transformative impact on the life of a child.  Since then I've always tried to share what I have called the “Nine Year Old Orphan’s Letter” idea with the parents of minor children. 

Today, I want to suggest that every mother on Mother’s Day should consider writing a letter to her children and grandchildren.  In these letters or notes you could share your feelings about:

A time when you were a child and you made me so proud

The memories I have of your birth and how grateful I am that you came into my life

My hopes and dreams for your future and how precious the days and hours are that I get to spend with you

If your child is young, all the hopes and dreams I have of things I will be able to do with you and witness in your life

Why I feel like I won the Child Lottery and am the luckiest parent in the whole wide world

What are the traditions, holiday celebrations and rituals you most hope that your children and grandchildren will perpetuate in their lives and what are some of your favorite memories of your time with your child during one of those holidays, rituals or traditions

Don’t just write these letters or notes but read them to your child or grandchild in person, if possible, or over the phone if they live a great distant from you.  Let them hear the emotion behind the words.  And then most importantly, preserve those letters and notes after you have delivered them.

"The great art of giving consists in this: the gift should cost very little and yet be greatly coveted, so that it may be the more highly appreciated." - Baltasar Gracian